HOW THE FUCK OUR DROPS WORK

Right, you lovely bunch of pottery loving fucks!

If you’ve ever sat staring at our website at drop time, refreshed 47 times, added something to your basket, gone to checkout and then watched it disappear into the abyss…

WELCOME. 

We get A LOT of questions about how the drops work, why things sell out so quickly, why we can’t just make 400 more butter dishes and whether your basket is secretly holding your precious mug hostage.

So here’s everything you need to know.

🏺 FIRST THINGS FIRST: WHO THE FUCK IS MAKING ALL THIS?

Our ceramics are made by hand in our studio in Lincoln, UK.

At the moment, we’re still a small operation, but we’re growing our team! Nicole – Boss Bitch/Queen Cunt and Kim – The Studio Bitch are now joined by two new studio recruits who are just getting started and helping us with the making, firing, glazing, finishing, packing and general pottery-based fuckery.

And because apparently approximately half the internet wants a mug calling someone a cunt, or slaggy butter dish, things have got… busy. 😂

We’re currently building up the team, bringing more people into the studio and working towards increasing our production. Woohoo

The goal is simple:

MORE PEOPLE → MORE POTTERY → MORE STOCK → LESS FUCKING HEARTBREAK.

We’re not quite there yet, but we’re working on it.

🖕 MADE-TO-ORDER DROPS

Once a month, we open up a limited number of spaces for made-to-order pieces.

This is your best chance if you want something more specific with your own text. 

Depending on the drop, you might be able to choose your mug, butter dish, colour, wording and various other options.

Because these are made individually, there is a waiting time.

Current lead time is around 11–13 weeks.

Yes.

Weeks.

Not days.

Not “I'll just knock it out Tuesday afternoon.”

WEEKS.

Ceramics is annoyingly slow and pottery kilns have absolutely no respect for your friend's birthday, your wedding anniversary or the fact that Christmas exists. 😂

But your piece is made specifically for you, so hopefully it’s worth the wait.

⚠️ IMPORTANT

MTO spaces are limited.

Once they’re gone, they’re gone.

📦 READY-MADE DROPS

Ready-made drops are pieces we've already made and finished.

These can include:

  • Popular designs

  • Different colours

  • One-off pieces

  • Experimental pieces

  • Weird things we've made because we had an idea at 2am

  • Things we've forgotten we'd made until we find them behind a kiln 😂

These are ready to ship, so there’s no 11–13 week MTO wait.

BUT…

Ready-made drops are usually much smaller.

We might have one of something.

We might have two.

We might have a few.

We might have made seven and thought, “LOOK AT US, ABSOLUTE INDUSTRIALISTS.”

And then you lot buy them in 14 seconds. 😂

So if you see something you want, MOVE YOUR ARSE.

🔄 THE GENERAL DROP CHAOS

We generally alternate between made-to-order and ready-made drops.

The exact dates and size of each drop can change depending on what we’ve got going on in the studio.

As the team grows, we’re aiming to increase production and get more and more pieces online.

So hopefully the future will involve slightly less:

“FUCK. IT'S GONE.”

And slightly more:

“FUCK YES. I GOT ONE.”

That’s the dream. 😂

🚨 RIGHT. HOW THE FUCK DO I ACTUALLY GET SOMETHING?

Excellent question.

This is where we need you to become a tiny bit tactical.

Because some of our drops sell out VERY quickly.

And by quickly, we mean:

blink = gone

make a cup of tea = gone

ask your husband what he thinks = absolutely fucking gone

So here’s how to give yourself the best chance.

⏰ 1. BE ON THE WEBSITE BEFORE THE DROP

Do not stroll onto the website at exactly 8pm like:

“Oh hello, I wonder what's available?”

NO.

Get yourself on there a few minutes beforehand.

Know where you're going.

Know what you want.

Get comfortable.

Prepare yourself emotionally.

This is not a leisurely browse.

This is a tiny pottery military operation. 😂

🔄 2. REFRESH, REFRESH, REFRESH

When the drop time arrives, refresh the website.

Sometimes the new stock won't magically appear without you giving the page a little kick up the arse.

So refresh.

Refresh again.

And then refresh again.

You are now officially one of us.

🎯 3. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFOREHAND

If you have your heart set on one particular butter dish, mug or colour, know which one before the drop starts.

Have a browse beforehand.

Make your decision.

Do not wait until the drop goes live to suddenly start thinking:

“Hmmmm pink or green? Let me just compare these 14 listings…”

By the time you've made your decision, Sandra from Bristol has already paid for it. 😂

⚡ 4. CHECK OUT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

This is probably the most important bit.

ADDING SOMETHING TO YOUR BASKET DOES NOT SECURE IT.

Your basket is NOT a little pottery safe.

It is not a reservation system.

It is basically a temporary holding pen where your desired mug sits looking vulnerable.

Someone else can buy it while it's in your basket.

The item is only yours once you've successfully completed checkout and paid.

So:

ADD IT.

CHECK OUT.

PAY.

THEN BREATHE.

If you want other things too, you can go back afterwards.

🍎 5. USE APPLE PAY OR GOOGLE PAY

If you have Apple Pay or Google Pay set up, USE IT.

Anything that gets you through checkout faster is your friend.

The last thing you want is to be typing your card number while another person is already at the confirmation page with your beloved butter dish.

🔐 6. GET YOUR SHIT READY BEFOREHAND

Before the drop, make sure you’ve got:

  • Your delivery address sorted

  • Your payment details ready

  • Apple Pay or Google Pay set up

  • Your preferred piece/colour decided

  • Your account logged in, if you have one

  • Your emotional support beverage nearby

That last one isn't technically required.

But we recommend it. 😂

🛒 7. WANT MULTIPLE THINGS?

There’s no set limit on how many things you can buy.

BUT…

If you want five things and they're all flying off the website, secure your absolute must-have first.

Do not spend three minutes creating the perfect basket of seven things only to discover that every single one has sold out.

The pottery gods are ruthless.

🚫 8. YOUR BASKET DOES NOT HOLD STOCK

We're repeating this because it causes SO much confusion.

Your basket does not reserve anything. (I have looked in to this but unfortunately it isn't an option for the website)

If something is in your basket but you haven't paid, someone else can still buy it.

The only way to secure it is to complete checkout successfully.

Basket ≠ yours.

Paid = yours.

Simple.

Brutal.

Fair.

📦 9. CAN WE ADD SOMETHING TO AN ORDER AFTERWARDS?

Unfortunately, no.

Once your order has gone through, we can't chuck another mug in the box because you've spotted something else five minutes later.

We also don't combine separate orders.

This is not because we're horrible.

It’s because there are a LOT of orders, a LOT of admin and a LOT of opportunities for us to accidentally send Susan's cunt mug to Dave.

And nobody wants that. 😂

Keeping orders separate helps us keep everything accurate and reduces mistakes.

💌 10. HOW DO I FIND OUT WHEN THE DROPS ARE?

SIGN UP TO OUR EMAIL LIST.

This is your best friend.

We send out emails with the exact date and time of upcoming drops.

Usually around a week beforehand, assuming we’re organised enough to know what fucking day it is. 😂

We’ll also share information on the website and social media.

The actual shopping happens on the website.

❌ SOLD OUT MEANS SOLD OUT

If it says SOLD OUT, it is sold out.

We promise there isn't a secret cupboard full of 47 butter dishes that we're refusing to tell you about.

There are no underground butter-dish reserves.

There is no emergency cunt-mug bunker.

We make what we can, and when it’s gone, it’s gone.

You’ll need to wait for another drop.

🏭 WHY DON'T YOU JUST MAKE MORE?!

WE ARE. 😂

This is exactly why we’re currently building the team.

At the moment, there are only so many pieces we can physically make between the two of us.

Every piece has to be:

made → dried → fired → glazed → fired again → checked → photographed/listed → packed → shipped

And unfortunately we haven't yet found a way to clone Nicole.

So we’re bringing more people into the studio and increasing our production capacity.

The plan is to make more stock, more regularly, so more of you can actually get your hands on the things you want.

We’re very excited about where things are heading.

❤️ AND FINALLY…

We KNOW how annoying it is when you've been waiting for a drop, you've got your finger hovering over Apple Pay, you've refreshed approximately 900 times and then…

SOLD OUT.

😭😭😭

We genuinely do understand the frustration.

But we’re a small handmade ceramics business, and somehow we've ended up with a fucking enormous bunch of you wanting our sweary pottery.

Which is, frankly, a lovely problem to have.

We’re working hard to grow the team, increase production and get more pieces online.

So if you miss one drop:

DON'T PANIC.

There will be more.

Keep watching the website.

Sign up to the emails.

Follow us on social media.

Be ready.

Refresh the fucking page.

And when that drop goes live…

GET IN. GET YOUR SHIT. CHECK OUT.

Then you can sit back, breathe and enjoy the fact that you have successfully beaten the pottery bunfight. 😂

Good luck, you glorious bunch of cunts. ❤️

Loves ya 

Nicole (QC) & The Studio Bitch xx